Happy Valentine’s Day!
Today is a day for emotions and romance, but why not try to put a little twist on it?
Sometimes a good laugh is more than enough to make love glow again.
Here are some naughty and funny jokes, poems, and stories to cheer your partner or even your single soul!
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid is.”
“Hearts and roses and kisses galore, What the hell is all of that shit for? People get mushy and start acting queer, and It is the most annoying day of the year. This day needs to get the hell over with and pass, Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass! I’ll spend the day so drunk that I just can’t speak, And wear only black for the rest of the week. Guys act all sweet, but it soon will fade, For all they are doing is trying to get laid. The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit, Because I think love is a big crock of shit! So here is my story, what else can I say? Love bites my ass… F*k Valentine’s Day!”
“Zach: What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
Scott: Tell me.
Zach: “We’re a perfect match.”
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied.
You’re sucrose, and you’re glucose,
You’re fructose and more,
From your head to your feet…
Which are stuck to the floor?
You’re Hershey’s, and you’re Snickers,
You’re sweet English Toffee.
If you spit in my cup,
You’ll sweeten my coffee.
I love you so much
That I’m getting frenetic,
But I can’t even kiss you,
Because I’m diabetic.
A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.
Valentine’s Day Money-Saving Tips:
• Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
• In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid.
• Forget rose petals. Sprinkle the bed with sliced beets!”
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
For those single, be your lover! Go on, treat yourself! You don’t need others to do that for you! Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!
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